This piece started as an assignment for my art class, asking: “What does Kass mean to you?” I didn’t expect my answer to become something so personal. But once I started writing, I realized it was more than an assignment…it was a reflection on my entire journey. So, here it is.
Hey, I’m Kass. 34 years young. I am a mother, wife, artist, writer, nature-loving, bicycle-riding human. But, maybe more importantly, I am inquisitive, honest, caring, passionate, open, and kind.
As for my name- Kass. What does it mean to me? Well, it’s funny you should ask…See, this is one of those moments in life that unfolds in such a way that makes you think that the universe planned it that way. Let me tell you the story…
It was a long time since I had been able to work. For years, mental health issues took over my life – leaving me in hospital bed after hospital bed, clinging to what little will power I had to stay on this planet. Finally, with the help of loved ones and many mental health professionals, I was able to find the space, strength, and willingness to fall back into the rhythm of life again. Slowly but surely I became a functioning member of society again, and eventually was able to reenter the workforce.
It was at a store in town where I found the perfect fit for me – cake decorating. I was able to be creative, work at my own pace, and learn a new skill. Life felt like it was really falling into place; my recovery was messy but mine, my family was back together, my children healthy and happy. And going to work was actually something I looked forward to, even if it was still very difficult and overwhelming at the time.
One day at work I was told there was a new person starting. Her name? Also Kassie, but hers spelt differently (of course). The funny part? She wasn’t the second Kassie but the third – my boss’s name is also Cassie. So, suddenly, it was a real issue.
What I said next came out so quickly and simply I didn’t even have to give it any thought, “I’ll go by Kass.”
And while I didn’t realize it at the time, this one sentence would shift the entire trajectory of my life. Isn’t it funny how life really sneaks up on you like that sometimes?
See, I have always really wanted to be Kass. Ever since I was a little girl I never felt much like a Kassie. Yet, I didn’t understand how to get anyone to call me by the name I preferred, much less why I felt this way. Everytime I felt I had the courage to talk to someone, anyone, about the change… I felt silly, ungrateful, even stupid. I never did mention it, and eventually the thoughts about this buried themselves down with all of the other childhood dreams and wishes. But it was still a quiet constant in my life if I looked deep enough: wishing for a name, an identity, that fit me better.
The most amusing part? It all started so simply…just asking to be called Kass at work to avoid any further confusion.
The name change spread from work to homelife, as I settled into the change. Everytime I heard someone call me Kass it was like a breath of fresh air. It fit. It felt too good not to keep spreading. So, I became “Kass Code” at the Valvoline, at the coffee shop. I became Kass Code at my children’s school, at the bank, the pharmacy, doctor’s office, and eventually with all of my family and friends, too. This small tweak, this almost seemingly inconsequential removal of two tiny letters…was changing my whole world.
And before I knew it…I was Kass.
So…What does “Kass” mean?
It means growth. It means putting myself first, and allowing myself space to be who I am. It means freedom, it means pain. It means a new chapter, another lifetime. It means shedding the name that no longer fit like a stunning reptile basking in the hot desert sun: resilient, awakened, alive.
My journey to becoming Kass isn’t just about a name change, though. It’s about healing, growth, and finding grace. Art has been a huge part of that for me. This course will allow me to challenge myself in ways that I wouldn’t be able to on my own. Forcing me to see different perspectives, ask myself new questions, push myself into uncomfortable spaces – this is what I think this course has to offer me.
As for growing up… my initial instinct is to do the typical, “I hope I never do!” Yet, that doesn’t quite fit for me. I hope I continue to “grow up” in the sense of being open, embracing growth, expecting challenges, accepting change, and seeking opportunities to learn. I hope to “grow up” to be a person my kids look up to and embody, to be a soul who is raw and real and honest.
But I also hope to keep qualities that humans tend to leave behind in childhood: curiosity, a sense of wonder, play. These things inspire me, bring life to me, and give me purpose. So, I hope to bring them with me as I continue to “grow up”.
If you’ve ever felt like your name (or your identity) didn’t quite fit… or if you’re still learning how to grow into yourself, I hope this piece speaks to you. Sometimes, it starts with something small. A word. A name. A choice. And then, your whole life shifts.
-the mom with the forehead tattoo
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