Burnout’s been creeping into my life soft but surely.
As I sat in that heaviness today, I found this letter I wrote a year ago to my younger self. It brought me comfort, inspiration, and hope., I’m sharing it here in case it brings you a little of that, (or something else) too.
A letter to younger me:
This life? You only get one and the time is limited. Don’t forget that. And when you do forget it because you are caught up in the daily grind – find things and people that remind you of how precious, amazing, and powerful this existence is. But also how short and unpredictable, too.
Have compassion for others. Everyone is doing their best at any given time. Even if you don’t see or understand their struggle, treat them as such. Don’t get caught up in “it”, we are all human. (And remember understanding or having compassion is not the same and validating their actions, or condoning them.)
Be kind to yourself. Empowerment will get you so much farther than hurtful words, thoughts, and actions. Love your mind and body just the way it is because you don’t get another. Even if it’s not perfect, it’s yours and perfectly imperfect. Loving yourself just the way you are doesn’t mean you can’t grow, but allows that to happen.
Take care of yourself and your family first. Make the boundaries, set your limits, and stick to them. Even when it feels uncomfortable, unfair, or unreasonable- It’s not. It’s for your own good, and it’s important to look after yourself, too. You can love and care from afar, no matter who tells you differently. Breaking the cycle can be trying, but you can do it- I promise.
Find what makes you happy and do it as much as you can until it doesn’t make you happy anymore. And then find something else that brings you joy. What is life without this? Let’s try not to find out.
Feel your feelings, let your emotions be what they are. Changing or denying them won’t work, and they are all valid and there for a reason. Anxiety, fear, anger, pain, sadness – they have their purposes and place and deserve to be felt and honored just as joy, love, amusement, relief, and excitement do. You don’t have to like them all, but you do need to feel them all at times. It’s part of being human, and an essential part of life.
Money comes and goes. And while it is important – having the best, everything, or what’s socially acceptable isn’t always necessary. You can get by with less material things and be more than fine. In fact, you can find plenty of joy in less. Enjoy the moments, make the memories, and do your best not to overly stress about the funds.
Allow yourself to change, grow, and learn as well as play, laugh, and make mistakes. Failing is a necessary part of life. Don’t let it trip you up for too long; learn from these moments and keep moving. The messy and glorious is all part of this thing called life – take it all in stride, when you can.
Not everything is black and white, good or bad. In fact I would say most things aren’t. Though our brain urges us at times to fit things neatly into categories like this, it doesn’t mean we have to. It can be harmful and keeps us from seeing the whole picture.
Asking for help is ok. Everyone needs help sometimes, we are all just human. It may feel very uncomfortable and unnatural but that’s normal when you have done your best to be self sufficient. (And asking for help once in a while doesn’t mean you aren’t!)
Be vulnerable and gentle. With yourself, with loved ones, with strangers. Something absolutely magical happens when you let your guard down. Sure, letting people in is scary – but so is building a wall around you and seclusion. Choose your hard.
Allow yourself to forever learn and grow and improve – even when it feels like you don’t deserve it. You make a mistake? Great, let’s try again. Mess it up? Cool, it’s a learning opportunity. Feel like you’re failing or moving backwards? You’re trying, keep going. You are allowed to start over again every day, every opportunity. You don’t need permission to change, find more balance, or improve. Tomorrow nor yesterday defines you- only this moment.
It’s ok to be awkward. It’s ok to not know what to say, to embarrass yourself, to be imperfect. The people who want to get to know you past that will, and those who don’t will show their colors, too. Not everyone is meant for you, and you aren’t meant for everyone.
Let yourself be a kid at heart for as long as you can. Being an adult doesn’t have to mean losing yourself. It doesn’t mean you have to stop being curious, playful, or make the wrong decisions. All of these things are important, and so is staying as young and jovial as life allows.
Forgiveness is important. It’s not for them, it’s for you. Find ways to do this as often and fiercely as you can; don’t let the past weigh you down.
Being sober is possible. It’s unbearably hard at times, unthinkably easy at times, and always beautiful. You can do it and it can become your normal.
Finding balance in life or improving how much you have now is something that can always be worked on, improved, and adjusted. Sometimes you will feel well balanced and others the scales will be very tipped. All you can do is keep trying to find the happy medium.
When you realize you don’t fit many boxes, (or any) just embrace it. They are boxes for a reason and you don’t fit because you were never meant to. Trying to shove yourself into one means trying to become something you are not. During that process you will lose a lot of yourself and it’s not worth it. Finding that person again is a lot harder than keeping it in the first place.
It took me a long time to realize I don’t need to fit in a box to belong. Neurodivergent or not, we all deserve to take up space as we are.
Remember that nothing is permanent, nothing lasts forever. This includes the good and the bad. The best moments and feelings pass eventually, but so do the worst. All of the hardest things in life are only temporary, and this can help you get through if you remember it.
And, finally…
Take the good with the bad. Try not to focus solely on the negative, and run with the positive whenever you are able. But when you can’t be optimistic for whatever reason, remind yourself that life needs both. Without the bad the good wouldn’t be. Without the darkness you can never have the light.
-the mom with the forehead tattoo
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